I played golf yesterday, for the first time in a long time, and was reminded of some basic truths about the human condition.
It seems life is a never-ending series of situations that arise, and to which we bring plans and aspirations. We want to hit good shots so we can be successful and happy. Sometimes the shots we hit we label bad, or not good enough, and we have strong preferences for the “good” ones. So we hit a “good” shot and feel “good,” and we think that it’s not only the goal but how things “should” be. When our shot doesn’t put the ball where we wanted it, we become frustrated, label it a bad shot, and wonder why we can’t be good all the time. We think we should do better – even though most of us never train or practice.
There was one shot I hit very well, just like I wanted. It was directly on line but short of the target because I used a club with a bit more loft to it. When the ball was in the air, I felt so good! Then it landed “short” and I told myself that was good, but if only I had used that other club, or swung a little harder, I might have actually hit the target. Next time, I told myself, I’ll hit the 9-iron and do better.
My sponsor used to say the hallmark of an ego trip was that it always wanted more, more, more. And if you want to see your ego in action, try playing golf.
Having not played golf in years, I had no expectations that I would be any better than the last time I played, and indeed I wasn’t. I wasn’t any “worse,” either. And yet I still treated some shots as acceptable and normal and how things should be, and others as bad and indicative of a problem. In the end, my score was completely typical of all my golf scores. It was a mix of outcomes that reflects exactly what I am: an inexperienced and not-well-trained golfer with some basic level of ability who at least doesn’t get too worked up when he hits a “bad” shot and understands this is all just a game. It’s actually funny for me to think that after years off and no practice, I “should” be doing better than exactly how I am doing.
Still, inside my head it was the usual carnival of thoughts and emotions, all driven by ego. I regularly caught myself feeling happy and content after a good shot and a bit sour after a bad one, always thinking that from here on out it will be just like this. At other times I felt satisfaction that at least I was doing better than my friend. I would analyze his little rituals and think to myself, “He’s thinking too much.” After a couple of good holes I told myself I am a good golfer, and after one bad shot I “remembered” that I am actually not good. While swinging, I would tell myself not to think, then realize that that is actually a thought as well, and then the ball would go flying off somewhere I didn’t want it to. And then more thoughts would arise in response to that, including thinking that I shouldn’t think so much!
At times, though, I simply leaned on my club, looked around at the sun and the grass and the clouds, and listened to the birds, and watched my friend, and remembered that I actually like playing golf.
And when it was over, I realized it’s crazy to think I “should” hit more good shots than bad, or anything else. Whatever the score, nobody got hurt, and I spent some time with my friend, playing a game. I am the golfer that I am, and I play golf the way I play it, which is a mix of good and bad and a never-ending stream of opportunities to respond calmly and try again.
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